V-Day Notes- Unlimited Bakwaas!!!

*** Disclaimer 1: Unless you go into the Phoebe (F.R.I.E.N.D.S) mode, the senseless/silly humor kinds, you would find the below post as boring as a mourning ceremony and instead of humming the Tandoori Nights song, you might find yourself singing “Tujhse Naraz Nahi Zindagi”.

*** Disclaimer 2: Kids, if you do not understand a few lines below please use the keywords to search on Answers.com. You get all answers here for all your naïve questions like “From where babies come from?” or “Are people manufactured by God, if yes then what’s his firm name??” The point is I am not sure how safe is the content for a 10 yr old but I am sure there is no 10 yr old who reads my blog nor do I think any kid would keep himself away if I said “Explicit content ahead, if you are not 18 please leave”. Oh God!! Why do I have to rattle so much about simple stuff? Ani, you were the one who asked me to put this disclaimer. Huh!!!

Time: 9.30 pm on 14th Feb 2009
Place: Pranam Sagar( Quite a divine name for a road side hotel, but do not underestimate it, one gets served everything here from Dal Tadka to Malai Kofta and Chineese bhi milta hain)
Background Music: Tandoor Nights, featuring: - Himesh Dashing Reshammiya & Urmila Wrinkled Mantodker. This is necessary to build the necessary mood for the bakwaas ahead.

Before the food is brought to my table by the person about whom a part of this blog is dedicated to, I shall key in a few lines on my mobile.

When I was a kid, I kept myself a thousand miles away from the puzzles and crosswords in newspapers. Scrabble was the most hated game next only to word power and Derek O’Brien’s confident minds. Sudoku was pretty low, say at the 10th spot considering that I understood a little bit of it with my limited intellectual powers. I always thought that whenever our president announced that “Children are the future of our nation” he had meant those words for the kids who woke up in the middle of night shouting Eureka! Solved crosswords in record time and at least built a robot to help their moms with the household chores. For me the TV schedule page remained the most interesting page( Note : we dint have a cable connection until last year and still I knew the history of all the shows from Movers & Shakers to Family Fortunes and the Bold and the Beautiful saga) next only to the sports page and if at all I stumbled across the puzzles and crosswords, I made sure I only colored the sketch at the bottom of the page or solved this one small puzzle that required one to find 6 microscopic differences between 2 pics, one perfect and one imperfect with a few small changes injected into it for you to find.

So I looked at the owner of Pranam Sagar (OPS) personally serving me Dal Tadka and Rotis and looked at Himesh singing Tandoori nights on TV placed close to the ceiling. My observation that lasted a few seconds resulted in me finding 2 similarities (Why did you think I told you the puzzle story before, time pass?? NO. I am good at observing things and finding differences and similarities) between Himesh and OPS. Both wear a cap, dominantly and both sport a thick beard. So I named this hotel as Himesh Reshammiya Sagar.

And talking of Himesh I wonder if he had ever had a valentine on the Valentines’ day. Don’t tell me you are ignorant of this day. I shall react with a scream loud enough to tear your ear drums, with my eyes popping out and my palm covering my mouth in complete shock. OK! Kuch zyada hi overacting ho gayi. Let me increase your love quotient and enlighten your dull sense of romance now.

It’s the day when bachelors like me mourn. The day when a few tons of saliva is exchanged and a few zillion promises are made, colonies of sperms set out on a journey in search of their destination to extreme poles( no I dint intend this pun) and the balance sheet of a few fancy stores around the world show a bizarre turnover. When love is in the air and you automatically start feeling fanatical about things and actually go into believing that the 2 girls in the street who just bumped into each other and a few other men sighing at you from the other side of the road was because of your axe effect; please start concluding that its V-day. Though the signs are make believe and the men sighing from across the road might have found you hot (find someone else I am pure and straight) yet you cannot ignore them (signs). You must either be a Ram Sene activitst or a bachelor like me to ignore these signs and live a normal life on this day. It comes from within the excitement, the feeling of being in love and of course the flirting talent you thought you never had.

By the way Valentines Day is also known for Saint Valentine, I would have totally forgotten this fact if I hadn’t read the newspapers in the morning. Since then I have been asking a lot of people if they are aware of the story behind this chap Valentine and it turns out that most of the guys are unaware of it. I am sure if you had asked GA (the only person who has a GF in my room and should have been celebrating this day) he would relate it to Abhay Deol’s character in Dev-D. Dev-D being the recent most HINDI movie we are planning to trick him to watch this weekend. This fellow knows more Hindi than Condolezza Rice and is capable of interpreting the scenes of the movie in his own way. I have told him that Dev-D revolves around this dude named Valentine who was ditched by innumerable females but he still moved on in his life to set up a marriage counseling shop and that’s why we call him Saint Valentine. I hope to find an inspired GA relaying the story back to his GF in the night and I am sure the story shall be told for the years to come in Infy at least. See that’s how you make and change history. The last time we took GA for a Hindi movie, we figured out that he does reason a lot. He mistook Sohail and Arbaaz Khan to be the villians in Jaane Tu ya Jaane Na as he thought Imraan and Genelia were always in love from the beginning and the movie dint require the hero to box some one in the nose, ride a horse and land up in jail. According to him the storyline was weak and that he movie should have been over with the very first scene. Beat that interpretation!!.


So where were we?? Ah! Yes, Himesh’s GF. Does he have Valentine this year at least? In my social circle that extends to a few villages of India, I have never seen any sher ki gori or gaaon ki choori exclaim breatlessly “Oh, oh ... he’s so cute” or “Hai main mar jawa gudh kha kar, itna sona munda hain Himeshu”... or “he is cho cuteeee, I love his voice and his voice box lodged inside his nose” or “those thick lips are so irresistible(sensual tone)” or a desperate “I love u, I love you, I love * 1000 times”. Never have I never heard this for Himesh. Even this guy, Simbu has female fans but not Himesh.

That point proved. Now if you should allow me I have to spend 2 mins in silence on this day. I do share a similarity with Mr.Valentine, Himesh & OPS. We are all single this day and we sport a beard. The cap of course is missing on me. Halleluiah...!!

BTW have you watched Ghajini, I am sure you would have. There is a song in it. “kaise Mujhe Tu Mil Gayi, Aayana Mujko Yakeen” the perfect song that is to be played in the background when guys like me would find a partner in life. :)

Moods: Excited/ Hungry/ Mad/ Irritated/ Sympathetic towards Himesh