I am feelin soooooo saaaadddd!!!

Start->Run->Notepad, now I don't intend to write a test case but then I would sure love to tell you people that this is how a "Navigational path" to a defect or a link to be tested is actually written in a test case by “WE THE TESTORS".I have been sitting on my seat in my cubicle and obviously doing nothing but "refreshing" the comp for the past 15 mins. I mean all of us do need refreshment after continuous work so I thought I might as well refresh the computerji too. Basically there is nothing much to do but there is a task as daunting as entering a women's hostel. Now that the world has started seeing me as an adult, people have started loading me with responsibilities. I am a man now and have to prepare a thing which is as boring as having a computer without .wmv or .mp3 files in it. This so called boring, daunting, irritating, complaint driven task is the WEEKLY STATUS REPORT and I am supposed to prepare it.

I sit as idle as street dog thinking how to pass time till 4 when everyone in my team fills up the status report and I pick it up from the project LAN and start formatting it. I am bored of checking mails. I am bored of composing broadcasts mails. I am bored of women and I want a few things back in my life. At present I just feel like settling with Kylie Minogue in the Alpine mountains on a small tree house where I have no connection with the out side world and absolutely don’t care whether I have clothes to wear for the next day in office. I just want to cut my self from every creature living on this world and if Kylie Minogue herself cribs too much about size of the house then I don’t need her too. I am desperate, restless, irritated, bored to the core. I want a change and I need it now.

I sit and stare at the computer thinking whether I would get a chance to lie naked in a big open place under the rainy skies and think "Y the world is sinning so much", "Will I get a good wife" , “Will I have a happy married life -as people wish the newly weds with a sarcastic expression and wicked grin on their faces." , “Will my kids and my wife love me truly”. most importantly “Will I get married to the rite one”, “How is it gonna be in future", “Will I ever be able to satisfy my ambitions."-question marks common to all questions.

I sit and keep staring at the computer screen, only to be frightened by Priyanka who pops out of the messenger-now don't u people mistake this, its simple Priyanka pings me on the messenger. I know to a few people my writing seems to be as boring as Vajpayee's speech that they promise to themselves that they will never let me know what happened to my SMS which was sent inviting them to see the blissful Coorg photos and a few lines written on the same, that incidentally got published on the official site of Infosys. My conversation with Priyanka is about things as irrelevant as an edition of Economic Times to my sister. Of course we talk about things that are under this earthly sun(since there are lot of suns in our galaxy-dekha kya astronomical knowledge hain!!). But still I am sure if the same people came across a gossip will pass it on sooner than they pass phone numbers.

Priyanka: daber , Mohit

please note my last name I know it sounds funny but any girl who plans to live with me has to do with it.

me: haanji madam ,kya baat hain
Priyanka :r u free
me :yea , but gonna get engaged in a few moments!! ;D
me :Pun intended
Priyanka :ay

Now to let u know the conflict of emotions that took place were like this. The expression "ay" is a trademark expression of Priyanka and when u hear this being spilled out of her mouth , you can conclude that she is demanding respect or dominance. So me getting back to limits of mine…

me: wats the matter ??
Priyanka : nothing feeling bored
Me: tell me about it, same here , you don’t know the heights of boredom here, I have refreshed the computer some 1236543 times.
Priyanka :oh I do realize that, you have counted it so many times.
Priyanka : I slept off in my boring moments
Me :I do understand your emotions Priyanka, you have gone to the extent of feeling bored in your sleep

Priyanka :I had this dream where I remembered what I was in my previous birth.
Me :what??.
Priyanka: wait , it goes like this
me: ok .. me all ears
Priyanka :Guess what my name was in my last birth ,remember its my last birth so start with old fashioned names
me: ram pyarri
Priyanka :cold

cold-this means I am no where close to what Priyanka has in mind and that I might as well take hike and sit in a corner.

Me :lalitha, bijli, basanthi
Priyanka :freezing cold
Me :yawn!!(thinkin this lady is making me feel even bored)
Priyanka : don’t "yawn" me eh ….
Priyaka : so tell me, what name had I in my previous birth
Me :Mallika
Priyanka :warm
Me :maenka, Maya, Mallika
Priyanka :warmer
Me :I am out of names.. gonna try english names ,Marguaret
Priyanka: cold, I was a Hindu
me: I give up, cannot think of any more names and I am bored, continue the story if you want else leave it…..
Priyanka :ok ..I’ll give u a clue, I was named after a Hindu goddess and have a temple built in my name down south in Tamil Nadu
Me :burp!!!
Priyanka :ay don’t “burp” me eh ....
me: ok... Menakshi
Priyanka: bingo
Me :so ...
Priyanka : so... My name was Meenakshi and I lived in ...... lived in ... guess !!!
me: Bangalore
Priyanka: cold
me: There are 26 states in India you got to give me a clue here
Priyanka :U guess its easy …
Me :Delhi
Priyanka :bingo.
Me :hmmm
Priynaka: don’t "hmm" me ..me:
Me :oye "hmm" is my trademark word I 'll use it to whomsoever I want
Priyanka : ok .... listen…
Me: hmm tell me
Priyanka :in my previous birth I was menakshi and I lived in Delhi
Priyanka: I lived a peaceful life
me: ok ... so
Priyanka :that’s it!!
me :feeling bored eh ...
Priyanka :yea :)
me :shucks .... if I had known this before I would have refreshed my computer enuf so that I need not follow the process until my great grand son feels bored

This post is not supposed to be interesting at all. One is supposed to be true about his emotions and I am just being true, I don’t feel good about things in life. There is absolutely no purpose in reading this post but then it at least helped me to figure out what was wrong I feel crest fallen and thats why Iam bored. Wouldn’t any one help me out.!!!

Hearing impaired,I am deaf to opinions abt me...

It hasn't been a good week at all especially when I try thinking about the impressions that some of my friends and their acquaintances have about me . I mean I do sometimes forget to brush and do sometimes forget to take bath when I keep awake the whole night listening to music and get to office without actually going through the process of "Finishing morning duties" but still I aint that bad a guy eh! and hating some one who occasionally does not comb his hair and does not wipe the discharge off his sleepy eyes is a sin and such persons are given a name in English, “Superficial”, now don't ask me from where I learnt that word, for once I wanna show that I am a graduate.

I guess I am not that bad and so the good thing happened to me yesterday that I got to sit and stare the only solitary comp in my work area which has a gossiping tool called communicator or the messenger which can be used to gossip with fella infocions and occasionally send disturbing, dry, long and boring test scripts and trackers which "going forward"(notice the formal world slang) would be very useful in handling some assignments that are less interesting than writing a 100 page imposition- "I will do my home work regularly".

Now my father wasn't from a tribal race nor my mother a native of Orissa(no offence odisi pp-please don’t burn me alive, I have a dog which will miss me a lot) and so I know a whole lot of things that one can do with a comp other than sit in front of it an stare thinking that the blank screen might open like a real window to display a whole new world of semi conductors.

I immediately looked around and found no one was trying to beat me up and therefore I got myself on the communicator. The blue layout of this messenger soothes me to heights of me imagining myself sitting on a Caribbean beach wearing the brightest shirt and lying on the couch with the most jazzy laptop and Lime mint cooler to sip all thru the day .

My spirits lowered when I found there was only one girl online and then a whole lot of guys whom I wouldn't want to chat even if I the naxalites had me on gun point and forced me to do so. I started a conversation with a batch mate of mine and she showed me what the world is all about ........

An example of how violent, vulgar, insane, insensitive, rude and vicious(kya vocabulary hai yar .. shaabash Mohit) world we live in !!!

Me: Hi "x"(NAME CONCEALED-PRIVACY MATTERS) How’s u long time no see on the messenger …

Ms. X-Before she could answers sends a file to me ,which I open. The file, obviously has a photo of her guy in it

Ms X: The guy in the blue shirt ,on the right hand is my BF.

Me: :) hmmm he's smart ….. nice choice

Ms X: yes he is, remember I sent you a photo earlier too

Now refreshing my memory and recollecting the face of some one else's BF is as boring as seeing Malika Sherawat in chiffon sari add. If she had asked about Kangana Renaut whether I found her cute or not in “Metro” I would have answered her in affirmation with a grin of a man who had been just asked on a date with her. But then something else was stored in for me that evening.After a long session of storming my brain's secret areas I remebered a faded photo with a guy smiling perched on a toilet wall.

Me:oh yes I remeber

Ms X: hmmm...

Me: but this guy looks smart,he looked like a Nepali who had been exempted from not climbing the Everest by his master in that photo…

Ms. X: what ????? - she either dint understand or dint have words to curse me ….

Me: Y were u comparing him with me, y were u disrespecting him by comparing him with me. Smart and not smart are positive and negative words respectively.

Ms X: hmmm I know he is smart but don’t say like that .You are good ……

I had a sudden increase in my self esteem levels.

Ms X: But not as smart as him (her BF)

it was my turn to get surprised. I mean I do know I am not that cute or smart but then this was like telling a crow that no matter what, he looks ok ! but then not as good as the other birds. Crow bhai we sail in the same boat. Well I don’t mind the comment but then somewhere deep inside the stone hearted heart of mine it did give a scratch. After all everybody has some amount of esteem and I had "metro's" songs echoeing in my ears. I guess I have been listening to a lot of "Metro" now.

Me: Hoga .... mujhe kaunsa uske saath Mr.India me compete karna hain .
Ms X: As proud as a peacock.

I am a very hard hearted wicked person. Right from my child hood I have lied so many times and committed so many sins that I don’t deserve life without insult. Or Do I ???

Whatever it is .I was 7 years old when playing hide an seek I barged into the neighbors bathroom and lady in the bathroom supposed to have cried aloud in surprise, a cry fit enough to bring the landlord running down the stairs in his underwear. I consider all these insults as a pay back for that sin .

I paid heavy price for actually making it to a movie on time (ok ok ... I was 10 mins late, no 20 mins late) and then getting insulted in front two mates of hers who were perfect strangers to me and by now would be thinking how insane a guy "Mohit” can be for watching and liking a movie like "Nishabd".

I mean I do agree the movie was slow and some what immoral and I aint a fan or a tube light of immorality. I am strictly against it and would also join the "Nari sangath" in their fight against saving Indian families from immorality.

This friend of mine(female) remarked. How can you like a movie like Nishabd

Me: Nishabd,oh yes something different other than the famous “Hero ki heroine and villain bana joker” stories

My friend: Oh I know you would have gone to see Zia Khan half naked .The moment some woman removes clothes you people run behind it.

I wanted to blurt out

"oye madam I wanted to see Amitabh play kabadi with the policemen in a serious movie like “Nishabd” and see a shy Zia Khan in ghoonghat which covers even her belly "

I mean if I had wanted to see a woman remove her clothes why would I go for a public screening. Being a despo and having a hobby of watching movies are things as different as adultery and adulteration. Now people listening to such comments(this one & previous one)about me might land up making different opinions about me. They might end spreading the rumors and finally the rumor might come back to me. “What goes around always comes back”! Opinions don’t matter to me unless they are of my boss or some one very very very special to me.This I have learnt as I wrote this blog. I may have the opinion that I look similar to Brad Pitt and every other girls' unintentional glance is just cos they are interested in me but in reality it might not be so. They might be looking at my messy hair cut and unshaven look that might even put a beggar to shame. So the point is opinions do not matter to me unless Kylie Minogue herself comes and tell me "Mohit you are a despo, you went to watch Nishabd just for Zia khan & its very true that you have bird brains and cant be smart even if you try" , I shall not listen !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing official abt it ..!!

Hi, this is Mr. White .He is a hefty fella the fattest of all my friends and wants to say a big "hi " to you. Ummmm that was all for the animated part of it. The thing that you see in the photo is my index finger dressed in white only cos he was found crooked by the Levi jeans manufacturers and as their new obsession with making things “straight” goes, they dressed him in white with plates on the either sides. You would understand the above lines only if you've seen the new Levi jeans add and would understand more only if u knew English. In short I have fractured my finger ...aab dubaara math puchana.

Now, all those coochie ku girls, please refrain from making any "How cute!!! " and "How sad!!" remarks about Mr. white. I am fed up with these words after a 5 hour long movie cum shopping session with a few ladies that I know in this sweet country of mine where adverse sex ratio is considered a problem once in a year when the census is produced in the parliament.

The guilt feeling that I am falling under to has resulted in reduction of my height and I find myself lot shorter than most of the charming ladies in Bangalore or should I say I have started noticing tall ladies. It has always been a habit of mine to sway away from the topic and you can expect a heavy dose of it if the post of mine is about random thoughts. Now let me tell you why I feel guilty. I feel guilty cause I saw 2 movies, back to back spending a total of 700 bucks in total. If you were a son of crorepathi that amount would not have struck you and you would have saved your self from fainting, now that is one of the advantages of being rich and being a son of crorepathi(height of stupidity) but then the peanut butter type of salary that I earn can only suit a frugal breakfast in the morning, a south Indian meal in lunch and a simple sabgi in the evening without extra paratha. I must have had the courage of Arjuna to go against the laws of savings and investing to spend so much in less than two days and the whole month of June is still left comprising of 4 more weekends and few trips to Chennai and of course a few underwear to be bought to replace the already torn stock of mine.

The first one being Pirates Of Caribbean .I am in no mood to write a review about nor am I in a mood to write a review about "Metro". I can only say that both the movies are good and both are put up in PVR where you can spend 200 bucks on each movie and reduce my guilt feeling. Now that my finger is fractured I cant even point fingers at others. However I wont let the PVR fellas go without blaming them for the price of tickets. I mean I cant get this into my head .Why are the tickets priced so heavily for renting out a 10,000 sq feet place for 3 hours to some 100 or 200 misguided souls who have a past time of watching movies. Like every kid who prays for the tooth fairy I read Bible and pray everyday and the first thing I ask in truly Hindi filmy style is "bhagwan aaj tak maine kuch nahi manga hain ... aaj main ek favour mangatha hoon. Pvr ke owner ko thodi aakal or tickets ke price me reduction de bhagwan ... ding!!!! " the imaginary bell rings. The best of all the movies is seen cheap. I saw “Cheeni kum” in Chennai for 10rs and the whole affair of watching a GREAT film cost me only 25 rupees. Ajjeb hai .....

Now I don’t know why people are so insensitive. I mean mocking at a guy with a broken finger is far more insensitive than puncturing the neighbors scoter tyres, the culprit being me in the latter incident. I mean they find it amusing. There is a crazy female in my work area who says she is crazy about the plaster and wants to hold my fingers tight. Such love showering incidents are not love showering in real they are incidents of vulgarity, violence and insanity of the highest degree. I tried changing her, I told her hug me tightly and give me the best “jadu ki ghappi”, I am in urgent need of some love, care and warmth but then she wants to squeeze my finger and wants to see me shouting in voice that might put Himesh Reshamaiya's painful songs to shame. Spoilt kids of today.

Anyways I have a conference call in another 10 mins with my onsite co-coordinator who herself is so sarcastic that when she is anxious and mad at something she can act as the most bitter medicine you would have ever tasted. So I am gonna taste her now and you people chill if I come out alive I shall write another blog .Till then .... keep burping !!!!! BURP !!!! .....